Turning 49, having another bad flare up, job still demanding and toxic, and I am still struggling a lot

 

I am still struggling a lot right now. I have turned 49 since my last post, my job is still the same, toxic and demanding, and I am in another bad flare-up. The stress I have been under since the last post has caused another flare-up. That is the nature of chronic illness; stress triggers flare-ups a lot, and you may very well spend more time flaring up than not. My boss is on my back about overtime again, even though I can't control the overtime as it is coming from my coworkers continuing to be late for work. Instead of enforcing the rules and doing what's needed to get them to stop being late my boss would rather deduct hours from my schedule to compensate for all the overtime the hotel is incurring right now and she would also rather not address the other issue, chronic understaffing and hire people because that's harder and she would then start having more hours to account for and more people to keep from having overtime and she doesn't want to do that. This is causing me stress I do not need, and feeding the flare-ups I keep having.

Due to all of this stress and flaring up, I am having a hard time getting housework done, getting my personal tasks done, pursuing my creative outlets such as content creation and crocheting, and even making it to my various doctor appointments and therapies. It is keeping me from being able to take care of myself and do things like my physical therapy exercises, go for walks, go shopping, and other things I need to do for myself and my household. Of course, my job doesn't care about my life outside of it; they care only for the operations of the hotel and what they need as managers of the hotel. My life isn't important to them nor is my time and that is why they expect things like for me to come all the way back to the hotel after my appointments on certain days to meet with them over things that they could just put in an email, cover in a phone call, or do as a virtual meeting on zoom or something. They don't consider that I have to spend extra money on rideshare, catch public transportation, or get a ride from someone to get back there, or that I have to maneuver my mobility aid into and out of vehicles, up and downstairs, etc. to get there and back, and it takes a lot of energy and causes me a lot of pain to do that, and if they just adjusted THEIR schedules a little bit I wouldn't have to do this because they KNOW my work schedule, KNOW I am working the overnight shift and needing to sleep during first shift and part of 2nd shift, an they insist on sticking to their daytime schedule and when they will and will not be at the hotel for the meeting while still demanding the meeting which means they expect ME to be the one to adjust my schedule and normal times I am at the hotel. It's not right!

I am sick and tired of struggling to do the simplest of things and I am sick and tired of so many people expecting me to do so much when it's outside my capabilities to do it, or it's beyond my limits to be able to go it on top of everything else I had to do that day. I need a new job that is better suited for me with my chronic illnesses/disability, mobility limitations, and mobility aid. I need to be able to do something that I enjoy more and that is closer to fulfilling my need to do work that uses my passions and suits my purpose in life. I also need a job that provides an actual, living wage so that I can live my life without scraping, without living paycheck to paycheck, and getting to a point like today, where the pay period hasn't run out yet, but the paycheck did several days ago. I need a job that allows me to afford the things I need and want without busting my butt and endangering my health and well-being to do it. I need the kind of job that pays good wages and doesn't expect workers to half kill themselves to earn them. I need help, and most of all, I need a break. And I know millions of people like me with disabilities and chronic illnesses need this same thing and are tired of living similarly to the way I am. We all need help and a break, and I hope we all get it. Stay tuned for the next episode to see where my journey goes next!